October is a busy month in many ways. Sports for instance. Baseball ends, basketball and hockey begin. Nascar and Football are mid season. Not much different though is holidays. Browsing the local Wal-Mart I found Christmas trees, Halloween costumes and Thanksgiving decoration all on the same isle.
The one thing that brings all these multi-divergent lifestyles and occasions together is overeating. I think the average American finally breaks down and buys their first bag of 'trick or treat' candy around October 15. Its been on the store shelves for two weeks and...well we can only hold out for so long. Of course the first bag is really good candy, the stuff you want to eat as opposed to hand out, so its opened and eaten by weeks end and then like after every frat party, your scared straight... until just a few days before Halloween when you go out to buy the cheap stuff, you know so you don't dip into it yourself, stuff like lollipops and Almond Joys.
If the overeating cycle is not controlled by Hallowen it continues quitely and uncontrollably through Thanksgiving. See most eating binges at this point are individual failings of willpower; a handful of chocolates here, a couple cookies there. From Thanksgiving till Christmas, the madness is in firm control. There is no mental anguish of dieting, no self respect, its who can jockey the best position at the table. It Christmas parties and family dinners, co-workers bringing in junk food and of course our own sweet release to our base eating desires long denied during our season of triathlon training.
The bottom is hit somewhere around December 20th.
At the zenieth of holiday frenzy the murmurs begin of New Years resolutions, of splurging a bit too much the last few weeks, the impending large family meals on Christmas Eve and Day. The reminder of laying on the floor after Thanksgiving dinner with your 'fat pants' unbuckled and a pillow over your stomach watching Star Wars on TBS and moaning about eating too much. The rationale mind says, "We have to get control of ourselves....after Christmas."
Christmas comes and goes but the leftovers remain. December 26th and 27th consist of a breakfast of pie ( pumpkin, pecan or apple) and a cup of coffee. Dinners are doused with leftover gravy and dinner rolls. The rationale mind says, "One more week, get past New Years and its all good."
New Years is anti-climatic. At somepoint between ages 23-27 we finally figured out there's calories in alcohol and consequences of mixing different alcohols. There is only so much boozing that can be done until midnight when we polish off half a bottle of cheap champagne and have to drive home. From that time forward, New Year's is a big mental milestone but physically your already on the couch, or in bed asleep. At this point, if the rationale mind has not been kidnapped, beaten and tossed roughly into the recess of your subconscious, then self control returns and the eating monster goes back to sleep for another ten and half months.
However, if gluttony has taken charge, its only needed excuses are bowl games and a few extra left overs and we are doomed through the first weekends of January. If we are not careful, if we have had a complete mental breakdown, our despair goes straight through the Super Bowl and smack into Valentines day.
So friends BEWARE. Sheild yourself from over eating. Take a diet pill so you feel full. Drink large amounts of water before social gatherings. Workout. Put post-it notes around your kitchen about not eating. Put your 2005 finishing medals around your kitchen as a reminder of all your hard work and show off to your friends and family.
BEWARE. THE EATING MONSTER IS COMING.
The one thing that brings all these multi-divergent lifestyles and occasions together is overeating. I think the average American finally breaks down and buys their first bag of 'trick or treat' candy around October 15. Its been on the store shelves for two weeks and...well we can only hold out for so long. Of course the first bag is really good candy, the stuff you want to eat as opposed to hand out, so its opened and eaten by weeks end and then like after every frat party, your scared straight... until just a few days before Halloween when you go out to buy the cheap stuff, you know so you don't dip into it yourself, stuff like lollipops and Almond Joys.
If the overeating cycle is not controlled by Hallowen it continues quitely and uncontrollably through Thanksgiving. See most eating binges at this point are individual failings of willpower; a handful of chocolates here, a couple cookies there. From Thanksgiving till Christmas, the madness is in firm control. There is no mental anguish of dieting, no self respect, its who can jockey the best position at the table. It Christmas parties and family dinners, co-workers bringing in junk food and of course our own sweet release to our base eating desires long denied during our season of triathlon training.
The bottom is hit somewhere around December 20th.
At the zenieth of holiday frenzy the murmurs begin of New Years resolutions, of splurging a bit too much the last few weeks, the impending large family meals on Christmas Eve and Day. The reminder of laying on the floor after Thanksgiving dinner with your 'fat pants' unbuckled and a pillow over your stomach watching Star Wars on TBS and moaning about eating too much. The rationale mind says, "We have to get control of ourselves....after Christmas."
Christmas comes and goes but the leftovers remain. December 26th and 27th consist of a breakfast of pie ( pumpkin, pecan or apple) and a cup of coffee. Dinners are doused with leftover gravy and dinner rolls. The rationale mind says, "One more week, get past New Years and its all good."
New Years is anti-climatic. At somepoint between ages 23-27 we finally figured out there's calories in alcohol and consequences of mixing different alcohols. There is only so much boozing that can be done until midnight when we polish off half a bottle of cheap champagne and have to drive home. From that time forward, New Year's is a big mental milestone but physically your already on the couch, or in bed asleep. At this point, if the rationale mind has not been kidnapped, beaten and tossed roughly into the recess of your subconscious, then self control returns and the eating monster goes back to sleep for another ten and half months.
However, if gluttony has taken charge, its only needed excuses are bowl games and a few extra left overs and we are doomed through the first weekends of January. If we are not careful, if we have had a complete mental breakdown, our despair goes straight through the Super Bowl and smack into Valentines day.
So friends BEWARE. Sheild yourself from over eating. Take a diet pill so you feel full. Drink large amounts of water before social gatherings. Workout. Put post-it notes around your kitchen about not eating. Put your 2005 finishing medals around your kitchen as a reminder of all your hard work and show off to your friends and family.
BEWARE. THE EATING MONSTER IS COMING.
6 comments:
Thanks for the reminder of the upcoming food fest. Working for a food company means we not only get food sent to us from customers and vendors, but the company provides a LOT of food. Plus, people always bring their goodies to work to pawn off. It is painful. My strategy is simple...workout a lot, breathe deeply, and look in the mirror when in doubt. Now I can ask myself...what would Commodore do? WWCD? Hmmmmmmm.....
brilliant post. i was just thinking of this the other day. i broke down and bought the fall harvest mix the other day, because i could smell the candy corn. it was less than i had hoped. hopefully that locked the monster up for a few more weeks. ;)
OK, your title for this post is perfect! You're exactly right.
Candy corn, damn it Mipper. Why did you have to go and say THAT.
I'm worried if you have to unbuckle your "Fat-Pants"!
:)
My fat pants are elastic, brother!
Nice reminder to keep it reeled in this season...thanks!
everything about this blog made me laugh... and cry a little bit... because it's all true. especially the part about pie for breakfast. love the blog. will be back.
It's worse here in Canada -- Thanksgiving is this week! We've got a 2 week fat jump on you guys. I purposely buy candy I don't like. So that's saves me fron candy, but not from pie. Mmm...pie...
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