I wish I could come up with some pithy title for this post. Alas, whatever appears at the top will be developed en route to the end of my thoughts. I am not going to lie, its been a rough summer. The last several weeks have been awaiting the inevitable passing of a family member. Thats never cool. I can't stand hospitals of any type. My hell will certainly involve a hospital room. Too much personal pain there. To much wishing I could take someones pain from them.
Instead of rending my clothes and gnashing my teeth with social media, I just suck it up and hope I have the capacity to make it through the week without another crisis. Trying to stick to a routine of work and workouts that gives me sanity. I feel fine. Sure, I bury emotions deep down and let them bubble up so I can meditate on their implications over days, weeks, months rather then letting that emotion scar me or cause an irrational schism with my normal life. Oh sure, I will scream and rant and rave like the best of them, but these explosions are best left for personal time and not in front of the family or business. Only in front of myself.
And for some things, it doesn't matter how pissed off you are, it changes nothing so why stew over it anyway. Let it go. Death doesn't seem to bother me much, hospitals another story. We all go to soon, with things left unsaid and undone. It's always a shame.
This wasn't to be a post on mortality.
If anything I am an Optimist, so I count my blessings first. If things do not fall apart, more than usual right (?), I can end this year pretty well. Mae is super healthy, off the chart tall. Mighty Mo is not so great but right now its good. He starts public school next month and I can only imagine how his life will change for the better. Mistress is my rock. I am healthy. Thats saying a lot. That I would actually give a crap about my personal safety before I decided a course of action, shocks my family. Shocks me.
It is usually at this point that the writer has pulled all his ideas into a cohesive summary. At least a hard ending. I don't think I am accomplishing this today. Oh well. 1,800 posts and they can't all be wrapped up in a perfect little bow. Lots to think about, lots to do. Regrets of course. I wouldn't be living if I didn't. Huh, I think I got my title.
It is not enough to exist, I am going to Live.