I think everyone obviously knows today is 9-11. Five years ago I was on a fishing trip, hitting all the best rivers in Montana with my dad and my godfather, the three of us are fast friends. It was a Tuesday. My dad was a Colonel in the Montana National Guard and the third highest ranking man in the state behind two generals. We were staying at a military installation because it was cheap, we could do it and it was close to the next river we were going to fish.

I was mid way through a body building program for a contest later that year. I towed along all my personal shakes and meals instead of the roadside crap and beer that is normally consumed on long trips down the river, day after day.

We were just leaving the barracks to hit the water and I ran through the room one more time looking for lost items when I went to turn the tv off. It was tuned to CBS and Bryant Gumbel came on with news about the first airplane hitting the towers. Film wasn't available at the time of that plan so he was trying to explain as best we could. I ran to the hallway to tell everyone what was going on. For the next few minutes we thought it was some freak accident. Then we watched the second plane live as it hit the corner of the second tower.

My life was no longer significant at that hour. I remember I walked over to the still hot coffee pot and poured myself a tall cup. It was a pleasure I had denied myself for five years. I reached into a bag and grabbed a candy bar, a pleasure I had denied myself since committing to the body building show. I looked at the bar, then the coffee, then the television and knew life would be different as I mentally severed ties with my discipline and tossed thought of ever competing in the show out the window.

No one knew if this was to be the first of many attacks or what was going on. We sat around and decided that if this is going to be last day on earth then we would do it fishing. It was a very solemn day and I know that if I had been home that day I would not have gone to work, I would be hopelessly glued to the tv.

We were able to get some calls out at lunch and the Montana Guard was mobilizing. Dad had to consult. My brother called from Texas, himself in the guard and that he might get mobilized. I drank beer with my godfather and got a good buzz going. My first drinks of alcohol in months.

Coming back from the river that night, we had to drop dad off at a big mucky muck military meeting nearby and go back to the base and our rooms on our own. At the gate we were presented with armed guards, tanks and other additional security, including the first of many long lines. After some conversation we were allowed on base.

We had to drive home a couple days later, cutting the trip short; dad was being called away to some important meetings and had to get his gear together. We drove him to the Billings airport and walked him to a waiting Blackhawk helicopter, dispatched to personally pick him up and fly him to an awaiting jet somewhere else. It was somber for me, the attack was only a few days prior and now I am on a tarmac 5o yards away from my father being ushered into a military helicopter. We all snapped a salute as it lifted off, returned by the pilot.

Not long after dad eventually ended up being sent to Korea for year to work as a force protection liaison (fancy word for counter-terror). My brother was called up on October 1st for one year to protect a nuclear reactor in New Mexico. Friends still on active duty called in coded messages telling me the 'Shit has hit the fan' and 'Hail Mary' word of the day option. That was code for going deep into enemy territory with little back up and the results would be spectacular regardless of the outcome. My old unit was called up immediately and sent to Afghanistan.

I sat on my couch putting on weight, drinking beer, drinking coffee, eating everything bad I had denied myself. 9-11 really screwed with my head. I wanted to be where I knew I should have been, toeing the line with my brothers but horribly happy to be with my wife and my dog and doing my part to keep my business recession proof.

Five years later I am proud at the progress that has been made combating terrorism. Have there been mistakes, overplays, sensationalism of minutiae by the media? Absolutely. I have lost friends in far away places wondering if being there I would have made a difference. I am happy to say that my brother and father both had 'successful' tours, meaning they came back safe.

I apologize for the ramble today, it had significant personal impact on me and like many people changed my life.