Lots to think about now that I am back stuck on the saddle or running long miles. I am sure to offend some but I just tell it like it is.
Wedge sandals. Ladies let me the latest to exclaim that a sandal with a four inch sole is Butt. Ugly. You truly look ridiculous. It doesn't matter if you're a tall, super model or a short anti-model. Every man asked, without recourse, will say the same thing.
In fairness I will apologize for all men who wore Zubaz football team pants. (But not the sweet mullet on this guy.)
Mistress asked me to pick up some kind of brush for make up. I am comfortable enough to pick up feminine items, but not so good at the finding the right item asked for. For clarification she said, "Silver dollar size." Do you realize the look on the kids face when I asked her where a silver dollar wide make up brush would be. Has anyone under 25 even seen a silver dollar? How about a $2 bill?
Shemp, of Three Stooges fame, may have been the ugliest actor of all time but you probably remembered the names of his 'brothers' Larry, Curly and Moe. Can you name off the top of your head, just two people who starred in the same movie as Errol Flynn? The point is that looks get you far in life but laughs will get you remembered. At your funeral there will be much discussed about your life, but it will be the laugh you gave or got that will touch the heart of all.
Ladies, back to you and one in particular. Don't get mad at me when I don't notice your new permanent eye liner tattooed to your eye lids. First I often forget to comb my own hair before leaving the house each morning and second I am not looking at your face. Furthermore I am only going on past experience. When I mentioned the newly added 300cc you put into each breast over your last vacation you didn't talk to me for a week. Also if your going to be putting tattoos along your the top of your butt or within a foot of your cleavage, most all men are going to be looking at your butt and cleavage.
State fairs are great if their in another state. On the east side of the Mighty Mississippi they had a state fair where citizens competed in a Breakfast-On-A-Stick contest. Now to me, food on a stick is the highest cuisine attainable. (Why can't Top Chef make that a challenge?) In Arizona, we haveBring-Your-Pit-Bull-day. Show-Your-Gang-Color-day. All-Illegal-Immigrants- Welcome-Just- Climb-The-Fence-Night. This year's Muffin Top contest did have two divisions, Latina and Trailer Trash.
It's an odd world we live in. Told to speak up when we don't care. Don't speak up when we want to.
Wedge sandals. Ladies let me the latest to exclaim that a sandal with a four inch sole is Butt. Ugly. You truly look ridiculous. It doesn't matter if you're a tall, super model or a short anti-model. Every man asked, without recourse, will say the same thing.
In fairness I will apologize for all men who wore Zubaz football team pants. (But not the sweet mullet on this guy.)
Mistress asked me to pick up some kind of brush for make up. I am comfortable enough to pick up feminine items, but not so good at the finding the right item asked for. For clarification she said, "Silver dollar size." Do you realize the look on the kids face when I asked her where a silver dollar wide make up brush would be. Has anyone under 25 even seen a silver dollar? How about a $2 bill?
Shemp, of Three Stooges fame, may have been the ugliest actor of all time but you probably remembered the names of his 'brothers' Larry, Curly and Moe. Can you name off the top of your head, just two people who starred in the same movie as Errol Flynn? The point is that looks get you far in life but laughs will get you remembered. At your funeral there will be much discussed about your life, but it will be the laugh you gave or got that will touch the heart of all.
Ladies, back to you and one in particular. Don't get mad at me when I don't notice your new permanent eye liner tattooed to your eye lids. First I often forget to comb my own hair before leaving the house each morning and second I am not looking at your face. Furthermore I am only going on past experience. When I mentioned the newly added 300cc you put into each breast over your last vacation you didn't talk to me for a week. Also if your going to be putting tattoos along your the top of your butt or within a foot of your cleavage, most all men are going to be looking at your butt and cleavage.
State fairs are great if their in another state. On the east side of the Mighty Mississippi they had a state fair where citizens competed in a Breakfast-On-A-Stick contest. Now to me, food on a stick is the highest cuisine attainable. (Why can't Top Chef make that a challenge?) In Arizona, we haveBring-Your-Pit-Bull-day. Show-Your-Gang-Color-day. All-Illegal-Immigrants- Welcome-Just- Climb-The-Fence-Night. This year's Muffin Top contest did have two divisions, Latina and Trailer Trash.
It's an odd world we live in. Told to speak up when we don't care. Don't speak up when we want to.
6 comments:
Ha! Good laughs this morning!
"and second I'm not looking at your face."
Wait, that wasn't the response you gave mistress about the makeup brush. Good thinking!
Oh my ... you are a daring soul, aren't you?
And thanks to you I have a pair of shoes I need to get rid of. I don't much like them, anyhow but still....
And riddle me this - why are high heels sexy and wedges not? They do exactly the same thing to the calf. If you aren't looking at my face I'll have to assume you are looking at my legs because my boobs and hiney are nothing to marvel at. So tell me about the wedges - I'm curious.
ps - did you ever hear the one about the guy who got arrested for using conterfeit money when he paid Best Buy in $2 bills to spite them? It's verifiably true. <-- click for story.
The Taco Bell story, however, is iffy.
I think dressy heels make a woman's legs sexy. When I write wedges I am trying to describe the style that is essentially a flip flop with a three or four inch sole beneath it. Not the type of actual footwear that has the heel elevated above the toes. If that was the way it came accross I am apologize to all sensible ladies out there and thank you for the correction.
So you mentioned something about 300cc's and breast. Care to elaborate more, please.
Two thoughts:
1) THANK YOU about the wedges. I think they were rediculous in the 70's when they first came out, and they're rediculous now.
2) Tattoos. Okay, so mine is going on the back of my right shoulder. Where will that make men look?
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