Thursday, June 22, 2006

Is polite dead?

This is not a triathlon post but something that has been on my heart for a while. I feel compelled to put these thoughts out there into the online world. I promise tomorrow a much funnier post. I will admit its already done and I stole the link.


I have an interesting situation to share. I get conflicting responses from people. I was raised in a military household and was taught to be polite to everyone in a society where politeness has taken a back seat to selfishness. My parents raised me to have principles and that all people have value. I don’t look down at someone because I have more digits in my paycheck than them. I tip well, I try to make service people laugh because they are under appreciated. I don't judge books by the cover.

I was in a Starbucks the other day where I know the manager. When I got up to the counter I said, “Hi Darlin’ how are you?” She smiled, and took my order as we caught up on a weeks worth of life. After I called her ‘Darlin’’, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a woman roll her eyes as if I was using a derogatory term.

That made me think of when I was at an expo. I ordered a turkey sandwich from a college coed working a food cart and as she was asking me what I wanted on it I replied to her as I do with most people, with repect. “Yes Ma’am or No Ma’am.” After one response she says, “Ma’am?” as if she was too young to be called that and I just replied with "Please and Thank you’s," from then on.

Do you see the differences in those two stories? For the record I also use ‘Sir’ in place of Ma’am for men and if a man is noticibily younger than me I usually refer to them as 'brother' as in, "Thank's for the change brother."

I think the days of chivalry are over. Not that people won't be chivalrous, but the recipent dosen't care. People get so caught up in their head about being PC or recognized as someone of value, that when they are given the value they deserve they don't recongize it. I don’t think all women or men deserve to be treated equally but all people should be equally treated. If I don’t know you I will assume you’re a good person until you prove me wrong and it doesn’t take long. Treat them as you want them to treat you until you realize your being abused then you sever emotion, not compassion or sympathy.

Another example, I hold the door open for women. Sometimes I hold it when they are several yards away. For the most part they walk through the door and thank me. Occasionally they see me holding the door, walk through the door and say nothing, like its expected. Sometimes they see me hold the door open and that I am holding it for several seconds yet they open the other door and walk through that instead.

Its situations like that make me want to not be a nice person but say, “Me and mine and F the rest of you.” But that’s not the way I was raised. I just say, “God Bless” and go on my way. See I used to get mad at that kind of stuff but I find its hard to be mad and flip people off when you say those two words.

God Bless.

13 comments:

Flo said...

Comm, this is one of my biggest pet peeves!!! I live in the ALOHA state. You'd think we would all be nice and polite - no way. I could write a huge comment on this, I'll spare you, but I have come to a conclusion about this. It's basically that people don't think of anyone but themselves. In order to be polite you must consider the other person and most people just don't. I try to be as polite as possible to people and always smile and say thank you when someone does something for me; hold the door or whatever. Ugh!! Okay, I'll stop now but I may take this up on my blog.

stronger said...

I'm usually more sarcastic on the door opening and say, "you're welcome" for the ungrateful person. Or when someone bumps into me and doesn't even acknowledge their rudeness I say, "excuse you". Or when someone is crowding me I say, "could you please back off me".

I was at a nice Italian restaurant one time waiting at the bar for an open table and there was a table full of well-to-do snobby ladies sitting in the bar with only the bartender to wait on them. They were incredibly rude and condescending as the mexican bartender was swamped. I walked up to the table and said, "I hope that in the next life time you come back as a foreigner working a service job and someone treats you as rude as you just treated that man." I was nervous to approach the sweater-tied-around-their-neck women but as soon as I spoke, all 6 jaws dropped.

Sometimes I think you have to call people out on their bad behavior. And if someone can't accept a compliment- it is their problem, not yours. I'd never be insulted by 'darlin' because most people who use the word darlin' are the nicest people around.

Flatman said...

Man, we are definitely from the same breed. I feel EXACTLY the same way sometimes.

Thanks for posting this...

bunnygirl said...

It does seem like a thankless exercise sometimes to think of the other guy. Lately it seems you can't count on anyone reciprocating - you have to do it because it's the right thing to do.

Great topic!

Bolder said...

you're right, they're wrong.

enuf said.

thanks for sharing.

mipper said...

oh Comm... bless you bless you bless you for this post.

i am half southern and the other half of me (my dad's side) is from the military. my mom taught me yes ma'am/sir, no ma'am/sir were basic and common decencies in life. my dad taught me that you could get the floor mopped with you in the military world for not saying it. and there were plenty of times in my life when i was old enough to know better that i got a hard swift kick for not saying those things to him. so yeah, i had incentive to say it.

when i was schooled in the south, it was expected, actually demanded, you use those terms. i moved out to Oregon and i had adults tell me to stop being sassy and rude when i used those terms. i actually had adults yell at me for using those terms of respect.

i love nothing more than when i am struggling with my 4 kids, a bag and my stroller for someone to hold a door open for me. i thank them profusely. and if no one is there to help me with the door, my son usually runs to open it for me. i didn't specifically set out to teach him that but he just sees it as being kind and helpful. he will hold the door for men too that have their arms full of things. it's just what you do, in his mind.

also, i tend to use words like "hon" and "sweetie," especially to the young boys who bag my groceries or the young nurses at the doctors offices. that, to me, is just a southern thing. everyone is family in the south and you just say those things. i can't even count how many times i have been called "sugar" by total strangers while living in the south. i love it.

i am sure if you and i met in person, we'd click right together. ;)

thank you for being who you are. don't ever change for them. you are what God wants you to be and that is what is the most important.

mipper said...

oh Comm... bless you bless you bless you for this post.

i am half southern and the other half of me (my dad's side) is from the military. my mom taught me yes ma'am/sir, no ma'am/sir were basic and common decencies in life. my dad taught me that you could get the floor mopped with you in the military world for not saying it. and there were plenty of times in my life when i was old enough to know better that i got a hard swift kick for not saying those things to him. so yeah, i had incentive to say it.

when i was schooled in the south, it was expected, actually demanded, you use those terms. i moved out to Oregon and i had adults tell me to stop being sassy and rude when i used those terms. i actually had adults yell at me for using those terms of respect.

i love nothing more than when i am struggling with my 4 kids, a bag and my stroller for someone to hold a door open for me. i thank them profusely. and if no one is there to help me with the door, my son usually runs to open it for me. i didn't specifically set out to teach him that but he just sees it as being kind and helpful. he will hold the door for men too that have their arms full of things. it's just what you do, in his mind.

also, i tend to use words like "hon" and "sweetie," especially to the young boys who bag my groceries or the young nurses at the doctors offices. that, to me, is just a southern thing. everyone is family in the south and you just say those things. i can't even count how many times i have been called "sugar" by total strangers while living in the south. i love it.

i am sure if you and i met in person, we'd click right together. ;)

thank you for being who you are. don't ever change for them. you are what God wants you to be and that is what is the most important.

TriZilla said...

Oh, bummer, dude!

My entire family is from the south. We do ma'ams and sirs all of the time.

So, when I moved to MA and carried on like normal, I got YELLED at.

But you know what? I do it anyway. As far as I'm concerned, anyone my age or older is old enough to deserving the respect shown in a ma'am or sir. That's that. That's what I was taught (or risk the consequences).

I used to have a bf that would only hold the door for me if others were watching.... Should have known much earlier that it wasnt' going to work.

Chivalry is not dead. It's just ill, and all bolloxed up with feminism. You can still be a strong woman if you let a man open the door for you (and thank him sweetly for doing so).

Great post!

Tri-Angle said...

Comm Man
Again with the profound Blogging....
Chivalry is not dead. It odesn't matter that the recipient does not care. The important thing in my mind is that we do the right thing NO MATTER WHAT! And the right thing is treating others with respect....sometimes even when they piss me off!
A.

Habeela said...

Chivalry better not be dead! But you are right. People are way too cynical these days to appreciate it when they see it. Keep being chivalrous - it gives the dreamers hope.

The Big Cheese said...

Com, I get called Darling all the time.

Kewl Nitrox said...

Your parents raised you up right in my books (hope that does not sound condescending). My prayer is that my boys also grow up to be men who value others. I had forgotten and was recently reminded that Jesus summed up the Law and the Prophets as "Do to others as you would have them do to you" (Matthew 7:12). An easy principle that I confess I still do not live up to consistently.

P.S. It's been more than 14 yrs since I left Vancouver and I still miss the old ladies at the cashier with their "paper or plastic, darling?". :D

Fe-lady said...

I am totally with you on being nice back even tho you were not treated that way...I mean why bend to their level of ignorance! I just always smile, wave, be polite and hope that those that are being rude MAY learn something from my actions/reactions. They certainly aren't going to have the power to ruin MY day or even a moment of it!
Continue doing what you are doing...it's contagious, hopefully!