Wednesday, March 8, 2006

Internal dialogue-

This sucks I want to stop. I am not having fun today.

Its not about how well I do, its about why I do it.

Really? Why do I do it then?

Ahhhh. Ummmmm. I don't know why do I do this. Ah crap, its a simple answer dude... it doesn't matter with every step I get closer to being done today.

So I am just following some plan without a reason. Why not just stop now. I'm not trying to impress anyone. No one is out here. I've already proved I can run this far day after day after day. Stop.

No.

Stop.

Why?

Because I can't answer the question about why I do this. Its a simple question.

I'm too tired to answer it, I'll think about it on the way home.

No I won't. I'll turn on talk radio and zone out in traffic. Admit it, I don't know why...

I hate asking myself questions that are surprizingly easy and yet the answer is so hard to think about. I suck.

I don't suck. That's negative thinking. BAD SEED. BAD SEED.

Bad seed or not. I may have the mental toughness to get through this. I may have the physical ability to get through this. But why put myself through it?

Hey theres another runner, "Howdy."

"Hi, smells like it might finally rain. Hows your run?"

"Great thanks, I'm doing awesome."

Hey dumbass, you just answered your question. Now think about something else.


5 comments:

Kewl Nitrox said...

I think your post spoke about the internal struggles we all have day to day. Funny how we have to keep a facade to other atheletes that all is well even as we struggle inside. May the Lord keep us strong and keep our hopes/dreams from being choked by the weeds of the world.

God Speed!

Rachel said...

Sounds like it's time to go out and have a fun workout without the stopwatch!

Kona Shelley said...

LOL...you're funny...it happens to me all the time...this too shall pass..:-)

Nancy Toby said...

LOL! I had another "my swimming sucks" dialogue like this in the pool yesterday.

I think I concluded it's going to just keep sucking until it doesn't, and that's just too effing bad for me, because it's going to suck worse if I don't do it!! :-)

IMmike said...

Thats pretty funny commodore. I try to keep my mouth shut when I'm struggling. Keeps me from saying something dumb.