I still haven't heard back from the neurologist yet for my test date. Mistress is calling on that for me today. This post is to give you a glimpse of one of the symptoms I suffer from which we all believe is directly related to the TBI's (Traumatic Brain Injury's) I have sustained over the years.
I have days, today is one, where my brain feels numb. My head feels numb. It is not a drugged state or exhaustive state or a symptom of allergy or illness or a state of confusion or lack of clarity, its like my mind is stuck in blindspot and can't get out.
I can sit in the same spot for seconds or minutes, yes even hours and not even realize I haven't moved. My thinking becomes very linear and slowed down. I become a terrible driver. During some recent episodes, (its happening or I am recognizing it more frequently), I have pulled over the van and asked Mistress to take over because I lose confidence in my ability to process people walking in cross walks or cars in other lanes. I have mimed "sorry" a lot driving in this state.
This 'reverse headache' usually doesn't last more than one day and is not a part of any depression. I feel fine, hopeful and positive, other than my head feels numb and I have to stay busy or risk not moving at all. Its hard to put into succinct words. Its almost as if my body is fine but my brain is drunk or buzzed. Like I have taken a pain killer that only affects the brain. But with painkillers we know it never really removes the pain and so there is still a numbness that occurs or waves of non-feeling that wash over the consciousness. My ears won't stop ringing.
I am hoping that the testing I have done will address this issue, either with routines to overcome it or a specific medical condition that can be worked on cognitively. Its not like I can hold up a cast to show a broken arm. I don't need crutches to move around, but on the days I feel like this I certainly get the idea that I am defective or impaired in my ability to function at work or in society.
I have days, today is one, where my brain feels numb. My head feels numb. It is not a drugged state or exhaustive state or a symptom of allergy or illness or a state of confusion or lack of clarity, its like my mind is stuck in blindspot and can't get out.
I can sit in the same spot for seconds or minutes, yes even hours and not even realize I haven't moved. My thinking becomes very linear and slowed down. I become a terrible driver. During some recent episodes, (its happening or I am recognizing it more frequently), I have pulled over the van and asked Mistress to take over because I lose confidence in my ability to process people walking in cross walks or cars in other lanes. I have mimed "sorry" a lot driving in this state.
This 'reverse headache' usually doesn't last more than one day and is not a part of any depression. I feel fine, hopeful and positive, other than my head feels numb and I have to stay busy or risk not moving at all. Its hard to put into succinct words. Its almost as if my body is fine but my brain is drunk or buzzed. Like I have taken a pain killer that only affects the brain. But with painkillers we know it never really removes the pain and so there is still a numbness that occurs or waves of non-feeling that wash over the consciousness. My ears won't stop ringing.
I am hoping that the testing I have done will address this issue, either with routines to overcome it or a specific medical condition that can be worked on cognitively. Its not like I can hold up a cast to show a broken arm. I don't need crutches to move around, but on the days I feel like this I certainly get the idea that I am defective or impaired in my ability to function at work or in society.
7 comments:
wow, comm. numb brain isn't good, bro. hope things work out. we're thinking about you.
Nytro, I was going to call...but I forgot. haha. No really I was dialing you up but another call came in.
I can't imagine what that would be like. that doesn't sound good - unless you want that sort of feeling. which I wouldn't.
anyway. I hope you figure this out soon.
I'm glad you can recognize it. Sounds like it would be easy to slip into. Like daydreaming, but not really?
The inability to hold up a cast is surely what makes it so hard to diagnose and treat neurological problems. It is good that you are articulate and can describe the sensation. I hope your doc can make some sense of it, too.
All the best in seeking effective mechanisms for treatment and coping.
bloglines is showing a later post from today that isn't showing up here - is everything ok??
let us know, or have mistress let us know, how things went when you get back from the er. i'll be thinking about you.
and if you need anything, please call or email, k.
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