Let me explain my dilemma. I feel as if my four years of Ironman training gave me a base fitness that allowed me to coast along with some semblance of fitness appearance long after my kidney failure. In December, nine months after all the misery I put myself through at Ironman, I felt like that coasting had finally played out. For the last month I have felt for lack of a better term, normal.
I no longer feel fluid enough to swim 2 miles in open water, nor have the legs to ride 80 miles before my day even starts, or have the constitution to run 15 miles at a moments notice. For any of those workouts, sometimes two in one day, I only needed a phone call and a meet time.
I felt determined and I had every intention yesterday of working out, I felt as if my sanity demanded it. I chose my exercises carefully so I wouldn't muck up my blood and activate the Rhado. It would be a glorious re-introduction to some sort of program and I could take back a part of my life that has been missing like an amputated limb.
Then I thought about my kidneys being screwed up on Saturday. And then my partner started in on me asking if that was really the best thing I should be doing. And then we got into a conversation about how screwed up I was a couple months ago, that my doctors want me to wait till Spring to start up again. That if I screwed anything up I could end up spending a night in the hospital hooked up to an IV and waiting for my kidney numbers to drop.
Instead of working out, I walked out. I needed fresh air. I was, I am frustrated. I talk to the doctors this week this week. I am hoping there is something positive to go over.
I no longer feel fluid enough to swim 2 miles in open water, nor have the legs to ride 80 miles before my day even starts, or have the constitution to run 15 miles at a moments notice. For any of those workouts, sometimes two in one day, I only needed a phone call and a meet time.
I felt determined and I had every intention yesterday of working out, I felt as if my sanity demanded it. I chose my exercises carefully so I wouldn't muck up my blood and activate the Rhado. It would be a glorious re-introduction to some sort of program and I could take back a part of my life that has been missing like an amputated limb.
Then I thought about my kidneys being screwed up on Saturday. And then my partner started in on me asking if that was really the best thing I should be doing. And then we got into a conversation about how screwed up I was a couple months ago, that my doctors want me to wait till Spring to start up again. That if I screwed anything up I could end up spending a night in the hospital hooked up to an IV and waiting for my kidney numbers to drop.
Instead of working out, I walked out. I needed fresh air. I was, I am frustrated. I talk to the doctors this week this week. I am hoping there is something positive to go over.
5 comments:
I'm glad you chose not to work out, and that your partner was there to ask you some serious questions.
I believe that working out is a means to an end -- to a healthier and happier life. If it does not lead that direction for reasons dictated by health, until one is cleared for exercise by their doctors, one shouldn't do it.
But maybe there is a different kind of mind-body activity you can substitute, like meditation or just going for a walk with Mo, that could be at least a temporary alternative to working out.
Patience, my friend. I don't have much of it, so it's hard for me to tell you to have some. And you need to have a lot. It's hard. I'm so sorry you STILL have to keep finding more patience.
The fresh air is a good idea.
I will pray for more patience for you.
the positive in this is that you did what you had to do... not what you wanted to do. sometimes what we have to do for our own good is the hardest thing to accept.
proud of you. don't get down in the dumps about this, comm. you are so much more than being able to run 15 miles, bike 80 miles or swim 2 miles on a moments notice.
so. much. more.
Thanks Wendy. I do meditate daily and in fact Mo and I took the dog to the park. This is definitely a process I am working through.
Part of my recovery process iNew Med,(my doctors) would like to see me do is see a Sport Shrink to help me learn how to respond to my biofeedback in a less threatening manner to my health. Like, stopping before I shut down my kidneys and seize up my heart.
I hope you get some good news from the doctors, Comm.
I also have to echo what Nytro said. So very much more.
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