Well three of my team mates, two of which are my primary training partners, Jeff and Hardcore, pulled the trigger on the 2009 Ironman CdA. None of them would have considered it had I not been talking about this event due to all the bloggers there last weekend and my overwhelming guilt for not being there myself to sherpa and fellowship.
I of course wanted to bite the bullet for next year. I logged into Active.com and stared at that screen. Each frenzied call asking me to go over the times for enrollment, what is the webpage address, I got in. It only made me happier for my friends and more melancholy for myself. Then realized if I completed the entry form it wouldn't be a hypothetical gun in my mouth but literally biting down on a cold hard barrel and blowing my brains out.
I knew this day was coming, when IM life would finally leave me behind kicking and screaming. I told myself that knowledge is power and in my condition it's not my place to debate the obvious stupidity of doing something like an Ironman that is well beyond the exertional stress my kidneys and liver can handle for the next several years if ever.
To hammer the point home, I have a test kit I am mailing out today. I don't think I would survive till morning if I came home telling Mistress, "Hey babe, I mailed off my metabolic test. By the way, signed up for another Ironman today." I can already smell the April Fresh fabric softener on the pillow case that would be smothering me in bed.
I of course wanted to bite the bullet for next year. I logged into Active.com and stared at that screen. Each frenzied call asking me to go over the times for enrollment, what is the webpage address, I got in. It only made me happier for my friends and more melancholy for myself. Then realized if I completed the entry form it wouldn't be a hypothetical gun in my mouth but literally biting down on a cold hard barrel and blowing my brains out.
I knew this day was coming, when IM life would finally leave me behind kicking and screaming. I told myself that knowledge is power and in my condition it's not my place to debate the obvious stupidity of doing something like an Ironman that is well beyond the exertional stress my kidneys and liver can handle for the next several years if ever.
To hammer the point home, I have a test kit I am mailing out today. I don't think I would survive till morning if I came home telling Mistress, "Hey babe, I mailed off my metabolic test. By the way, signed up for another Ironman today." I can already smell the April Fresh fabric softener on the pillow case that would be smothering me in bed.
There is more to life than Ironman. I'm over it. My hang up is not that I can't do the race, its that I want to be there in training for my friends and supporting them every stroke, pedal and stride like we have done for each other for almost four years. I still want to be relevant. I've heard its hard to be that when your dead.
10 comments:
You are a lot of things, man and irrelevent is NOT one of them. I promise.
Comm's -- very solid but understandably difficult decision. I'm very proud of you -- and I am sure that in your heart you *know* you will be supporting your friends as much as physically possible -- and they will appreciate it immensely. Because that's who you are.
Way to gut out the tough call!
I think your choice for real life relevancy vs potentially nice memories by your family and friends is the much wiser choice. You have a lot more ground to cover on this rock buddy!
Charlie Mike.
You made the right decision. Have you thought about coaching? You have so much to offer and it could plug you right back in to IM without actually participating.
I think j~mom has a great idea. I remember reading about one coach who either had no legs or had no usable legs who was also one of the best football kicking coaches around. There are ways to still be a part of things even if you can't do it the way you'd like. Just a thought ...
Sure you don't have to go all in with them, but who's to say you can't go along for the ride?
They have a 6 hour training ride...meet up with them for an hour so (or whatever doc allows)
They have a run planned, follow them on your bike with their supplies.
And of course being a sherpa during the race...
Yes you may not be able to compete, but you can sure as hell still be relevant.
I cannot even imagine how hard that must of been and I will not even pretend like I know. You are doing the right thing and I want you to know you are not irrelevant by any means. I know we can tell you that till we are blue in the face, but you have to feel it for yourself, but just know you are very relevant to a lot of us out here and if you ask your wife and Mo they will tell you the same. I cannot wait to see where God leads you and how he is going to use you. Continue to call on him during these hard times and he will see you through. Hang in there exciting things are yet to come. There is a light at the end of that very LOOOOOONG tunnel.
What Clyde said!
Just because you aren't there beside them for each stroke, pedal & stride doesn't mean you are irrelevant. Sometimes I believe those who are most influential in our sporting achievements are not the ones who have trained with us, but the ones who support us emotionally from the sidelines.
IRREVEVANT?? Not a chance in this world, Comm, ask Moe. or Mistress. As for Coaching--its an idea. Chew on it for a bit..
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