Fear

Lately I have been lauded for actions and decisions that have been considered brilliant. For example, I never thought I was going to run a 1:47 at PF Changs half and I have been overwhelmed at the congratulations I have received from bloggers and friends (notice the order). It is still surreal to me that I posted that time.

At work during the last four days, I can't dodge a compliment. Every time I turn around I am being appreciated and congratulated for a decision or action or been an example in something that changed the paradigm of someones life. People telling me they have lost 20 pounds because of the example of exercise I set. Supervisors telling employees how I impacted them to become the success they are today. Employees flocking around me in the middle of a room giving me rapt attention and writing down what I say as if it's gold.

Funny thing is, I have been an absolute wreck the last two weeks. I am working and thinking out of sheer mental, emotional and physical stress. I am acting and making decisions and talking while scared shitless. The absolute most stress I have had in months. When I am alone or its quite my mind is working a hundred problems and solutions, trying to find dozens of angles to multiple issues. It leaves me exhausted and tired. Training suffers, everything suffers. I get headaches like you wouldn't believe.

Many of you may want to know where Mistress is in all of this. Mistress is part of that stress but I suppose in a good way. Much like our Training Contract, we don't have just one conversation about anything important and it stretches for a few weeks at a time. And we had a long talk last night about the stress she has put on me and the responsibility to it. Now she is happy, Mo is happy and that makes me happy, but no less stressed. I can barely put it into verbal words without falling over myself, so I will write about this in less ambiguity at a later date as things come together.

Funny thing is that the Ironman coming up in just a couple months doesn't have me stressed. Not in the least. And maybe thats because all the stress I have right now is about changes in my lifestyles and ironman is my lifestyle.

I suppose when I have God, family and my health (triathlon / exercise), I can get through everything... even if I feel like I have been hit by a train in all aspects of my life.