I truly feel I am at a tipping point. Going from hardcore, 'A' type, all go, no quit, with a hard transition into family man with a baby on the way, freaks me the eff out sometimes. I am told that it could be equated to a hard detox off drugs. A quite literal detox of my body in some regards. Just being around a race gets me revved up. I thumbed through some triathlon magazines at a friends house and my heart rate jumped. Dear Lord I love this sport.
I am falling into old mental traps that got me into this condition in the first place. I see that Rock n Roll marathon is having their first race in Seattle next summer. I have spent a few hours lately thinking, "Maybe." Not the best place for my mind to be.
I sometimes think that my two year rehab plan is prison time. Also not the best thoughts to be thinking. I am fully invested in the future of my health and have been completely committed with what needs to be done yet I find myself longing to hang onto a wheel for a long ride. On the few occasions that I am able to run outside, I have found myself trying to NOT look at my heart rate monitor to make sure I am under 140 bpm. Because when I don't look at it and I go over, its not my fault. Isn't that self sabotage? Of course it is. So I do everything I can to keep my mind right and remember why I am taking the hard road over the easy one.
Its uncomfortable to see the changes I have gone through physically. As someone who has to work extra hard to keep the weight off, I relied heavily on exercise to counter my weakness for unconscious eating. Now my exercise doesn't equal what used to be active rest. It is hard to believe that I have not gained any weight in the last four months but nothing feels tight excepts my pants.
Its known in any endurance activity, triathlon or life, there will be periods where you are peaking and riding a wave of consistent training and other times where what you do will give you heat rashes and bruise your ass, always feeling wiped out. These are usually seen as negatives. I have always looked at them as pain purifying the body, making it stronger.
I'll get through this. I can get through anything. But right now, I am feeling like I have a heat rash under my arm pit and my ass hurts from sitting on the bike to long. I just wish that was the literal case instead of the metaphysical one.
I am falling into old mental traps that got me into this condition in the first place. I see that Rock n Roll marathon is having their first race in Seattle next summer. I have spent a few hours lately thinking, "Maybe." Not the best place for my mind to be.
I sometimes think that my two year rehab plan is prison time. Also not the best thoughts to be thinking. I am fully invested in the future of my health and have been completely committed with what needs to be done yet I find myself longing to hang onto a wheel for a long ride. On the few occasions that I am able to run outside, I have found myself trying to NOT look at my heart rate monitor to make sure I am under 140 bpm. Because when I don't look at it and I go over, its not my fault. Isn't that self sabotage? Of course it is. So I do everything I can to keep my mind right and remember why I am taking the hard road over the easy one.
Its uncomfortable to see the changes I have gone through physically. As someone who has to work extra hard to keep the weight off, I relied heavily on exercise to counter my weakness for unconscious eating. Now my exercise doesn't equal what used to be active rest. It is hard to believe that I have not gained any weight in the last four months but nothing feels tight excepts my pants.
Its known in any endurance activity, triathlon or life, there will be periods where you are peaking and riding a wave of consistent training and other times where what you do will give you heat rashes and bruise your ass, always feeling wiped out. These are usually seen as negatives. I have always looked at them as pain purifying the body, making it stronger.
I'll get through this. I can get through anything. But right now, I am feeling like I have a heat rash under my arm pit and my ass hurts from sitting on the bike to long. I just wish that was the literal case instead of the metaphysical one.
3 comments:
I hear ya..i've been through this too. Find something that makes you happy..that's what I say...:-)
Do you have any hobbies or something that you've always wanted to do that don't involve exercise?
My husband loves to read books and has mentioned that someday he wants to learn to play guitar and get a PhD in history. If I had more time, I'd be back to doing more art and music in a heartbeat!
Sounds like this downtime is the perfect opportunity to get nutrition in check. Train it like an event...you know...in time for the holidays.
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