Endurance is sometimes doing nothing

Mighty Mo spent the last three days in the hospital. Its his colitis, something I have written about quite a bit before. This means that Mistress and I also spent the last three days in the hospital. Boy its a lot harder when we have two kids. 

It started Saturday morning with symptoms similar to a mild heat injury which was our first thoughts as he had played flag football that morning. Then the vomiting and painful BM's but then he started to really complain about abdominal pain. Mistress has been through enough of this heat injury stuff with me that she immediately packed him over to a kid only urgent care nearby. After some tests and high white blood cell counts he was sent to the full blown children's hospital that he normally goes to. 

Since Mo had already spent several hours at urgent care and been given an IV and morphine, when Mistress arrived at the children's ER to be admitted at the hospital Saturday night she was able to walk to the front of the line. A room had already been arranged between clinic and doctors. She told me she caught some of those, "You can't be seriously trying to cut the line" looks. But she was too tired to explain and whisked away so fast, she didn't need too. 

Have you caught on yet that I have been alone with my little girl. Good grief, I have never spent a night alone with Mae. I didn't drop her and she seemed to smile most of the time so good on me. On Sunday, grandma picked up Mae as soon as she could and I rushed to the hospital to be with the rest of my life. We stayed there together until it seemed he would be released before dinner and I went home. Then news came that he was not going to be released, the doctor was not happy with his progress.Well, Mistress came home Sunday night to be with Mae and I went back to stay overnight with Mo. A fairly uneventful night though we did have a couple of procedural moments that had to be addressed wide awake. He was eventually released mid day Monday. 

Some very interesting comments regarding the weekend. Mighty Mo on morphine is still a riot. Even more so that he can hold more interesting conversations. He is a chatterbox and always cracking jokes. Nurses love working with him as he is super polite, doesn't cry (much) and does pretty much everything he is told which is quite scary for a kid. He doesn't know if the syringe the nurse is holding is going to be poked in his body, put in a drip line or shoved in his mouth for an oral medicine.

We watched a bunch of movies and played War with cards. He played a lot with some new Star Wars figures I brought for him that were meant as birthday gifts later this month. It was worth it. He got a big kick playing with the bed. 

Things look good for now. Things seem back to normal. With our family, you never know.

Oh look a mirror

How many times have stood in front of a mirror before or after a shower and looked at yourself sideways?  Every day?  Often enough? Maybe pinched or pulled or sucked in or slapped a body part?  And, God's honest truth you think, "Ain't that bad", "Looks better than before".  

Now, think back to what you thought last time you saw someone whip out a camera. QUICK!DUCK, its a camera! Ever feel like that. Instead of running towards center frame, you grab a couch pillow to cover up or stand in the back of a crowd. Maybe even make a scene about not wanting to be in the picture.

What about when you see pictures of yourself. Are you shocked, SHOCKED, that your face is that round. Your arms look that big.  Your skin is that white. Your favorite shirt makes you look bulbous?

You are not alone. No, seriously. Our minds are so strange in that we can look at ourselves 'objectively' several times a day and think we are doing okay but we become super-hyper-critical at a 4x6 glossy. I'm no expert but I chalk it up to the same phenomenon as being surprised that hearing our voice played back to us outside our body sounds different than when we talk to ourselves in our head.

It seems like all mirrors are circus mirrors letting us see a form of reality that doesn't make us run scared out of the room. The type of reality we can marginalize. C'mon. We know if were out of shape. We know if we've been tilting the pints more than the barbells. Eating fast food over home cooked. We know. You know. But when we look in the mirror we convince ourselves that its a half truth. it's not that bad. We are humiliated and dismissive at the same time.

We can not however run from photographs. They're out there for everyone to see. Now everyone else sees you like they always see you. But its the God's honest truth stick being smacked up side your head.

So. The point. If your going to be serious about making a change in your life take a candid picture and put it on your bathroom mirror. Or the refrigerator. One someone sent you from a party. Or a self portrait in your skivvies if its weight loss. It might be a plate of food if its portion control or food types. It might be a credit card statement. Whatever it is, you must first look outside of yourself to know who you really are. Once you have the right frame of mind and can clearly see the course of action you can repair the damage.

I am not going to just exist. I am going to live.

To lose weight, first you get mad, then you get consistent.

Yesterday I finally posted about my weight loss. Now some of you may beg the question, "Why not tell us sooner about this?"  Honestly, I was a bit embarrassed.  

I had always been right around a Clydesdale athlete (200 lbs).  I trained at  about that weight for Ironman triathlons for almost four years and contrary to normal thinking, it is damn hard to drop weight even with that much training on the schedule. After I got injured in April of 2008, I was told, "workout and die," so for the next 18 months I put on a little bit more weight through inactivity. At my worst day last fall I tipped the scale at 214 lbs. 

That was enough to finally pull back from what most people call 'normal eating habits' and regain some control of my body. Luckily I was finally able to start getting structured, consistent exercise back into my life and those extra calorie expenditures really helped to initially start losing weight. I know what my base metabolism is, so I started tracking all my food again so that everything that I eat goes on record based on calorie count. Every calorie I expend in exercise goes against it. At the end of the week, I should have seen a decrease in body weight. 

So no secret. Calories in are less than calories out. My first goal was to get back to 190 lbs, something I thought posed a challenge with Halloween through New Years looming. I hit it easily. So I set a new goal. Then another. And I seem to be hitting all of them. It has become so easy now to drop pounds and build my endurance foundation that I gave myself a thus undisclosed final goal weight that I should reach in a month or two.

Let me tell you that it is not easy to begin a program. Its damn hard to maintain it. Almost impossible to make it a complete lifestyle change. That is why so many people say they will start a program and never do. Those that do rarely stick with it. For the few that make it through to their goal, the vast majority cannot sustain the results long term. 

I can honestly say I have not denied myself much. I still have a couple slices of pizza every Friday for family night. I have a sweet tooth that often acts up around 9pm that I try to fight. I won't turn down a cold beer. You will see me weighing food at home. You will see calorie counts on the food I pack for work, written in black sharpie. I plan. Then I stick to the plan.

When it came down to it, I realized that socially you just don't see fat people living into their 50's, 60's, 70's and beyond without severe medical conditions that affect their health. Even as a training Ironman athlete I knew that if I dropped weight I would be happier, healthier and faster. I would have more self confidence and self esteem. And I do. Now.  Life is to be lived to its fullest and while that can certainly happen at any weight or age, I plan on doing it as physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally healthy as possible.

I am not going to just exist. I am going to live.

Cinched Tight

I think I am pretty normal when I say that, as a Dude, I don't buy new clothes very often. When I do, I buy my 'play clothes' at REI, my 'work clothes' at Sports Authority and my workout clothes through my club sponsors. Though its been mentioned here and there, I have lost 40 lbs. since last October. And I haven't bought any new clothes. Thus everything sort of hangs off me, from work shorts to running shirts. Heck I think I even went down half a shoe size.

This morning I walked into a store that I hadn't been too in several months, for a cup of coffee. The manager, a man I encouraged and mentored into triathlon a few years ago, warmly smiled at seeing my once familiar face. And then his gaze dropped to my waistline that has shrunk by five inches and my overall  much slimmer silhouette and his jaw dropped. He probably stared at me for five seconds, agog. 

When I walked up to pay, he gave me such high praise and adoration in front of customers that I was humbled and could only respond the truth, I got cleared for training from my injury (which he knew about) and been working hard. He asked if I had any races coming up and I mentioned Pat's Run and also my hopeful first of two Big Ass Idea Adventures. He laughed and said it was indeed a crazy plan. He then said he was channel surfing last week and saw a segment on  some insane event and he thought of me. What he named is incredibly enough what I hope to be my second Big Ass Idea Adventure. All I could do was laugh, that I am so transparent and have this aura of craziness about me.

I got kind of sheepish walking out, at such lavish praise and as I put my head down I realized I really do look thinner and definitely need some new work shorts. All my work pants, are two waist sizes big and cinched tight with a belt I've been notching my own holes in. The tail of the belt reaches well around my waist and sticks straight out past a belt loop. Due to the extra material, the fly button either hangs down under the belt or I pull it up over the belt. When I looked down, it was pulled over the belt but was also a good inch over it. 

I vowed to at least buy a new belt this week and then figure out a way to try on some new clothes this weekend. I know, poor baby. 

I am not going to exist. I am going to live.

Dream Big...just make sure you fit into the pants.

Or to put it another way, You can want to do almost anything with your life but you have to have the capacity to do it. 

I finally spoke to someone today about my Big Ass Adventure Idea and the training that leads up to it. I confided in this person because this person has shown me to be far more solicitous of my health than I am.  And since it is pretty obvious that I can not listen to my own body when I get into that zone, I have appreciated the support.

I had to make sure the connection on my phone hadn't died, this person was still there just in shock taking it in.  The first response was, "You should totally get one of those GPS things so Mistress knows where your at." I laughed and related that I did indeed that very morning tell her I was going to buy a SPOT 2 gps satellite messenger this week with my substantial REI rebate. And that with the social networking aspect of the device I can set it up so everyone could get real time results of my efforts. 

Then like all my other crazy ideas I've have actually mentioned to people, this person volunteered to help me out with some of my training outline.  Lets face it, this person is doing 3 Ironman's this year and it's not easy to keep things fresh when you've already done six.  In fact, made some damn good recommendations to provide for my safety. Unfortunately most were races and none fit my time line or health boundary's. Somethings to consider however for future events. Everything I do today with my nutrition, my supplementation,  my training, my meditation, just brings me closer to my goal of being able to do endurance events at any time without having to build a foundation for it. The capacity will already be there. 

Its not enough to exist. I am going to live.

Soft Opening

Greetings All, 

I have imported my first blog, Common Man Syndrome to a new blog with a new name ENDURANCE PURSUITS. Welcome and please bookmark for rss feeds. 

The original blog, which I will always love, described my meteoric rise in the sport of triathlon and some pretty spectacular failures as well. Over the last five years, I think I have proved my point. I am not a Common Man. I am most assuredly UNcommon.

But what to name this new blog, this new digital journal? Looking back at my life, life there is just too many identifiers I could use to describe myself.  So I decided on something most closely resembling where I see my life progressing.  So I chose the title ENDURANCE PURSUITS. It represents that I am  no longer  enamored with finish lines. I will still train and race and be competitive, its a camaraderie that is unlike any in life and I need it. But mentally races don't drive me anymore. I am in pursuit of something more than a medal or a Age Group placement. I am going push my physical boundary's in ways that interest me and reward me and and that requires me to think and do things that are internally driven and not necessarily centered around a specific race schedule.

How far can I go?

How long can I do it?

Who can I do it with?

What fun is there in it?

Lets find out. Because its not enough to exist. I am going to live. Welcome to my ENDURANCE PURSUITS

No higher praise...

The more I obsess over races/events for the year, the more I realize I am purposely avoiding finish lines. I would rather do something that is significant rather do something that blows the tentative fuse in my head that keeps me on this side of normal on a race course rather than blowing myself up because I will ignore pain.

I have all these crazy ideas in my head and the moment I make them real by seeking advice or just affirmation that its doable, I end up with these same people all asking if they can join in. I suppose no higher praise can be given.

Mistress is so used to this side of me over the last 15 years that when I ask her , "How would you like to go to London in January?" She asks what race do I want to do there. If I ask to go camping, she responds by asking what river, trail or peak is nearby. Though for the last two years she has not so subtly been very fond of me 'having my wings clipped' and stuck at home recoverying from the Mother Of All Race Injuries. Which also means that Mistress has lost all trust in my ability to reel myself in from reckless behavior. Can't say I blame her. I don't trust myself sometimes.

Based on the training and physical feedback tests I have doing lately, I am at a tricky point in my fitness life. I think I could really do some great things, but I have to earn my wifes trust back. I do not do this by making my first real test back, a rim-river-rim hike of the grand canyon or my first race back a full marathon. But I have performed inside all the perimeters I have set for myself so I am not going off book on my intentions.

Once I can get a few more logistics nailed down on my next big deal, I will of course broadcast my goal. Until then, the training and the joy of physical ability will be my path.

Its not enough to exist. I am going to live.