Sabotage

It is always a fine line between sharing and protecting when you run a blog. While I am pretty open and honest about the ups and downs of my adventures and especially my endurance pursuits, I have debated about today's topic. However, as it as really affected my training and my personal life, I can think of nothing else to write about. After some meditation, I think I can say what I need to say, without triggering too many spiderbots and the reader will get it. 

For the last oh, 15 years or so, I've taken a pill everyday for a condition with my thyroid. Its a condition that affects millions of people around the world, I am not special, albeit 90% are female. Mistress says it is my body trying to express its feminine side.  In real life, I am not really shy about sharing this information but in that setting I know who I am speaking with and there is an implied sense of security or shared trust as conversations are a back and forth, give and take, and not posted forever online.

Based on years of conversation and research it seems the dose I get is pretty small.  So I didn't exactly care earlier this year when I ran out and the missed the doctors appointment required to test and refill my prescription for the next twelve months. I've missed days and an occasional week here and there with very little problem. Plus I can't stand doctors, hospitals, blood draws, all that crap. I've been through too many of those scenarios to conjure up rainbows and unicorns when the appointment draws near. I figured, "It's a small dose, what kind of problems could I have?"

Two months later, the longest period I have been without, I'm willing to admit I have completely SABOTAGED my body in the process of testing my limits. Nothing really new about that epiphany, is there.  It is not as if I have become a crippled invalid or unable to function in society. Hardly. But I have all the classic symptoms back and my frustration has trumped any hesitation I have about going to the doctors. So today I get tested and back on the program.

My symptoms are not uncommon, though everyone tends to exhibit different progression or regression of the common traits. I get cramps in my legs and back really easy, usually while sleeping, when I wake up it takes an hour to loosen up. Not so good when 90% of my exercise uses my lower body and I am used to early morning workouts. Totally lethargic. My usual sleep pattern is about 5.5 hours a night and never naps. Currently I sleep 9-10 hours a night, wake up exhausted, need to lay down mid day and I'm ready for bed at 8pm. There's some other symptoms worth mentioning but as those two points above really affect my day more than anything else.

So that sabotage is over. Back on the drug and back to hopefully a less sleepfull night and more energetic day. Less working out the night time leg cramp and more just working out cramping legs.

Its not enough to exist. I am going to live.