I what?

Whether its getting to close to a pan of frying bacon and having hot grease 'pop' into my eyeballs, you just can't rinse bacon fat out of your eyelids. Or totally doing an endo trying to pop the front wheel of my mountain bike over a curb, but the backpack full of beer was okay, none damaged. I tend to go through my day responding to my self deprecating moment with thinking, "I, what?"

Sometimes I just don't realize what I am doing or why I am doing it. Later on I realize it was part of some Rube Goldberg scheme to include exercise into every facet of my walking day. Thus you have me mountain biking with a half rack of PBR in a backpack. For the extra weight of course. Sometimes I just try things beyond my ability, like obviously trying to ride a mountain bike over a curb. Or frying bacon. 

And just so you know, you really shouldn't walk around a mall with a backpack full of beer. It's not that there is anything inherently illegal about it, you can almost feel like if you were suddenly transported to an alternate dimension like, a pool side in Las Vegas, to party with vapid plastic bombshells celebrating your awesomeness, with nothing but what was on you, that you would be totally prepared. (photo courtesy FHM)

No sadly the reason you don't carry a 40 lb backpack is because you can not fit through the ridiculously small spaces between mannequins and shelves. "I, what? Knocked over your seasonal transition mannequins with the latest fall fashions on it. Crap. I'm sorry."  And even with my hands tucked into my pockets the employees where following me around like I was about steal everything. Everything. My only saving grace from mall security being called was because I look closer to 50 than 15, so I'm just some eccentric (though obviously fit and handsome) old guy and not the normal demo of a pimply faced skinny jean hipster shoplifter. 

So it is a series of lessons learned over the weekend. First, you don't need to physically place your face in a pan of frying bacon to see if its done or not. Tongs work pretty good at bringing that stuff to your level, out of the pan. Second, realize you don't normally ride a mountain bike with a backpack full of heavy stuff and some cities have really high curbs.  Lastly, walking around a mall with a heavy ass pack on your back is great training for stuff like obstacle racing, backpacking, shopping with your wife at Christmas, but it gives the same impression as walking into a bank with the mask of a famous President over your face. 

It's not enough to exist. I am going to live.