Wasted time

I think of all the time I've wasted thinking about worthless crap. All the mental energy I expended in imaginary arguments with people that never happened, shouldn't have happened, ended up being a miscommunication after all. All the vindictiveness I spewed at my windshield after feeling that something had not gone my way and it was the only place I could be alone to just scream my head off. 

For a person who has spent thousands of hours in prayer, mediation, affirmation and study's of self-improvement, I still think I spent as much time being angry and emotionally violent on stuff that really, seriously, didn't matter. For someone known for being so even keeled, they never saw me five minutes after I drove away. 

It doesn't matter if the conversation was regarding politics or semantics. 90% of the time we are not going to change someone else's position no matter how passionate we are with our own. And vice versa by the way. Its enough to just get the point across and leave it at that. I think half the reason I have wasted time on a subject is because I have allowed myself to be led down someone else's path. They prove their point by trying to discredit mine. Don't like my side of the conversation, my empirical evidence. Fair enough. I've made my point, either in a professional sense or personal sense. 

Oh, we all do it don't we?  Waste time in pointless mental rehashing so we can feel better about ourselves. Some people tamp it down and then have horrific physical and psychological releases, massive temper tantrums a couple times a year. Some people react immediately and verbally with emotional outbursts that have nothing to do with the situation.  I think most people do what I do, review the entire conversation and then replay it with what could have been said and then verbalize it loudly all alone in the car. Maybe not.  

Ultimately, I think I just wasted time thinking about things that didn't need anymore thought put into it. I may be on a path of throwing away a ton of emotional baggage. Forgiving people that have no idea I have a grudge with them. Stop thinking and over analyzing situations that are long sense over. Stop the personal admonishments and guilt I have over how I treated someone or situation. The funny thing is, I will most likely try to fight myself all the way. Whether consciously or subconsciously we do not like change. We fear change. And to throw mental garbage away instead of hoarding it, is very difficult because we think that this stuff we hold onto is who we are. It's not. I am what I want to be and the stuff I have wasted my time thinking about is usually when someone is trying to change that opinion.