Hear the wind, feel the sun

It is not often I ask my wife, "What happened in the world today?," but that is exactly what I have been asking her the last several days. Usually I am so plugged in that if you asked me about almost any situation in politics or Hollywood gossip, (god, yes, I know, how pathetic) I could give a long discourse. Not lately. 

My face is burnt and my back is already tanning in odd shapes around my shoulder blades and lumbar from my tri top. My ears still hear wind whipping by me even after being inside for hours and my legs are perpetually in a lactic state. I am training harder than I have in years. 

So far so good. The injuries that have sidelined me from triathlons, 3 years this month, seem to be under control. It appears that for now, I won't simply fall over in the road and die. There is still so much I want to do in sports and personal accomplishment. Regardless of the damage I have already done to myself, I believe there is more I can do to than just the platitudes of being a good husband/father to find satisfaction in myself. 

I am not the same endurance athlete I was pre-injury when I was engaged in Ironman distance events. I am physically lighter and stronger. Mentally I am more in the now, less mission oriented, which I think all my doctors and family was the hardest hurdle to overcome. (Long story short, in competition I can brainwash myself to ignore pain to an inhuman level, a literal fatal level.) I now listen to my body and my friends when I train and during the few running events I have done since, trusting them more than myself in this regard. This used to be a hard thing to admit. 

Call it a celebration, call it planning for future success, call it...possibility thinking, but I am upgrading passions. Switching my data technology to Garmin. Replacing fuel belts and updating apparel. Today I went into my team bike shop, Two Wheel Jones, and got a refit on my bike. A couple hours later both the bike and I got some very good news. As for me, my form is very good and at least mechanically I still fit my bike and maintain all the angles I need for proper fit. For the bike, my beloved Valdora PHX, we decided to get much more aggressive in my bike posture, raising here, lowering there, tweaks all around. Complete custom redesign of my aero bars. I can't wait to see how all the mad scientist thinking works out. 

There is still much to do. Its a big week for me. A transition week from thinking to doing. From dreaming to being. How does it end?  With a test. Not on a clock or a course, but in my head, in my actions, in my conversations. It is a test of personal honesty. It's a test of faith in others to do and say the right thing, not the easy thing. A test where quite literally a life hangs in the balance. 

A week can be a long time or no time at all. If you are not living your life, it goes quite slow. When you live it too your fullest it goes quite quick. Its a strange and tragic paradox. Between here and there is a lot of miles, hearing the wind, feeling the sun. 

It's not enough to exist. I am going to live.