Sunday, July 11, 2010

Maybe the monsoons will bring me some sanity.

These last several weeks have for me, quite unusual.  I uncharacteristically sleep till the last possible moment, then rush out the door to work. Work has been nothing but stress and anxiety, deadlines and expectations.  My only solitude is the lunch time run or ride that no sane person wants to do in this kind of afternoon heat.  Then I get home late and stay up late decompressing.  My weekends have not been full of training or rest, but connecting with a boy growing up to fast and a daughter who wants nothing but warm milk, Kraft cheese and to cry over incoming teeth and anytime the word, "No" is uttered. At her or not. My greatest failure is not being the husband I have to be. 

Last week saw the conclusion of my effort in several projects at work and most of the ongoing story lines in my personal life so hopefully this upcoming week will return me to a more normal mindset. I could use it. While I have a very survivor like mentality, a mindset that is fluid and adaptable; I much prefer a mechanical life, I know what and how and why something goes up and down. 

First off, we need to resolve Mistresses auto accident several months ago. Part of my disconnect must be the fact that I am driving borrowed vehicles. We hope that by the middle of August the settlement will be complete and we can get something in our name. Mighty Mo and I have wished for years to buy a Jeep as a weekend vehicle but now it might be my next daily driver.  That would make he and I very happy. The expectation to buy another vehicle and even one that could bring he and I so much joy, has got me over focused on car buying websites.

Mighty Mo's health has had some serious ups and downs the last several months and while it seems everything is in a remission, it is not time to let the guard down. We have been burned by that before. This quality of life issue is part of the reason we are considering a Jeep sooner than later.  Mighty Mo has some big steps coming up for him this year and it's more important than ever that he and I have a iron bond.

I have always, always believed in being worth more than I am paid.  Many people may not understand that affirmation. It doesn't mean I am underpaid, it means I am indispensable.  As a mindset it has always benefited me. As a business owner, as a partner, I mentor, inspire and train people and I need more education on my own behalf to continue to be the tip of the spear in my position. To that end, I have to finally move forward with some professional development that involves some sort of schooling or certification. I love to learn, I cannot stand academia. This will mean more stress for me. 

The good news though is that the monsoons are finally here in the Valley of The Sun. After threats from meteorologists all weekend, we were hammered by 15 minutes of hard, sideways ran and hours of that rain smell. As someone who has a very depressed sense of smell and can acutely smell rain, I love it.  Rain rejuvenates me.

I suppose to summarize, I am tired of waiting. Waiting for a car settlement. Waiting for a new vehicle. Waiting to start some type of schooling. Waiting for my sons health to decide what to do. Waiting for my daughter to talk. Waiting for my body to decide its fully healed or not. The one thing I don't have to wait for is the support I get from Mistress. And that means a lot.

1 comment:

TriDaddy said...

I can totally relate to the decompressing late at night, the rejuvenating rain, and the waiting. I work virtually with a single once-a-week meeting for status updates. I spend most of my day e-mailing, texting and leaving phone messages for people... then I wait for responses. It drives me mad knowing that if I worked face-to-face it would take less than a minute to ask the question and get an answer but, virtually, it takes hours. I often stay up late to decompress but, recently, I'e been going to bed when Sandi tells me to (convinced in my mind that I will not be able to sleep and will just go back downstairs when she falls asleep) but miraculously, I've been falling asleep. It rains quite a bit here - the forecast for the summer is basically 50% chance of afternoon showers. When it rains, I lace up and run in it. If I can, I run in the rain on the trails in the park near my house - rejuvenating!