What is a Dream Killer

I sometimes think I keep coming back to the concept of The Dream Killer. This is usually a friend or acquaintance, often a family member or co-worker, that talks you out of, or away from, attempting a goal that as defined by your mutual circle of peers is outside the norm. This can be as simple as going on a diet or running a marathon. 

A Dream Killer is the person that once becoming aware of your goal will seek consciously or subconsciously to undermine your results. It is as innocent enough as saying, "Oh, you don't have any experience with that, why even try", or, "You don't have time for that." It can get downright mean, "You tried to lose weight five years ago and you failed. Why go through that again?"

The truly devious Dream Killers are the taunters. Those that tempt dieters by bringing in a box of doughnuts, something they may have never done before. Then not take 'No' for an answer when you decline. These people would never consider themselves a 'salesperson' but they are doing everything possible to get you into one of those doughnuts before you leave their showroom floor. The dieter is being disrespectful because the Dream Killer is attempting to offer something nice to them, and they will tell you that. Guilt is a powerful weapon to a Dream Killer. 

Another not so subtle trick from Dream Killers is talking a person out of changing their routine. When the usual Friday night meant hours of food, drinks and social activities, and that changes because a person suddenly feels compelled spend the evening getting gear ready, going to bed early and then waking up before sunrise for a workout, Dream Killer see's this as a challenge affecting the status quo. By removing yourself from self indulgence and actively moving towards personal reward, your absence is as painful as a broken arm to a Dream Killer. 

In all these situations, The Dream Killer is seeking to influence your failure because they feel guilty for not having the will power to accomplish the same goal at some point in their past. Maybe they struggled with a diet and had good results, enabling them to revel in success; only to see all that weight plus more come back. The expensive skinny jeans hanging in the closest worn for only a brief time a constant reminder of their lack of power. Then there is the person who committed to running a marathon, maybe for charity, or in remembrance of a loved one, maybe purely because it was a big goal, and after just a few weeks the body was aching and the distance getting to the point that they quit. The alibi there failure a dozen ways, the common denominator being they became a victim of something along the lines of time, family, work, genetics.

In the end, as harsh as it sounds, Dream Killers believe that if they could not achieve their dream, no one should. It will only magnify their own past failures. It makes them feel that much less a human being, that much more of a failure and this is the only aspect of a Dream Killer I pity. Because I don't think anyone should feel like a failure.

Everyday we can choose to be the person we are, or seek to become the person we want to be. And its damn hard to internally make the conscious decision to change our behavior and act on it. We realize that goals like weight loss or running a marathon become lifestyle changes.  Dream Killers only want to pull you down as you reach for the stars.  If they can get you to fail, to accept that the challenge was too great, it validates their own failure and in a sick twisted way, it makes them feel better about them self.

There are many ways one can address a Dream Killer once we recognize them. We can try to ignore them but this often does not stop the incessant negativity they spew. We can confront them with the fact that we are attempting to accomplish a goal they themselves failed at and they should be supportive instead of negative. Remember this, most Dream Killers are not so consciously, they are projecting their fears and failures. Once you confront them with this a percentage will change their tone.

Once you have voiced that you want people to pour positivity into your goal not negativity and they continue their path, I employ the traffic cop defense. Oh, never heard of that one? It goes like this. Stand in front of the Dream Killer, snap your arm up and palm out, right in front of their face, like a traffic cop stopping oncoming traffic. Get your hand just inches away from their face. And then loudly proclaim, "BAD SEED...begone." Then laugh and walk away.

Doing this does many things.  The forceful projection of your hand away from your body subconsciously acts as a mental dumping of negativity for you. For the Dream Killer its an invasion of personal space and stops their pattern. It also asserts your dominance. The words "BAD SEED..." with your hand shoved in their face is almost religious in tone. Its asserts your power over them as a higher power and if this is a Godly belief or just a belief that your personal power is greater than theirs, the point is equally made. Finally the last part, "...begone." is not said with as much force but the term is decidedly a conversation ender. The laugh is meant to do two things. First it asserts the lack of influence the Dream Killer has over you, laughing in the face of danger, and also it can help relieve the immediate tension that occurs when you snap your open palm inches from someones face. Walking away severs any further action from the Dream Killer and allows you to regain your personal worth.

I can tell you from experience it often takes more than one, "BAD SEED...begone" with your hand in their face, to get a Dream Killer to understand their actions are repetitive and you are not over reacting. Which is the first victim defense this person will use.  Continually pointing out this Dream Killers efforts with this defense will at some point make this person and certainly those around you know this person is trying to kill your dream.

Dream big, be strong in your actions. Don't fall prey to Dream Killers.

Don't survive. Thrive.