Decisions

As of last night I was out. I didn't lose any sleep over it. So why am I packing my bags today and every waking moment has been spent staring into my son's swollen face and wondering that immortal question. "Do I stay or do I go?"

Mistress tells me to go, a sure sign that she thinks Mo is on the mend. She wants me to not lose this opportunity to race and be better prepared for Florida. She understands my commitment and the investment the whole family has made.

I sort of cut the race out of my head last night. It was really, really hard to finally say, "Its over" and be okay with it and tell myself to no longer doubt my decision. But here I am, doubting my decision about staying. I am trying to wrap my mind now around the fact that maybe I should do this race.

If I stay I will be thinking about a sick Mo every minute and not have fun, I certainly won't / don't have the heart in this race like I did earlier this week.

If I stay I will be thinking about the race but know I most likely made the right decision, family first.

I guess I still have a couple of hours to decide. I'll pack my bags and get my gear ready to go and then figure it out.

Stay tuned

It looks like it is just me going to Flagstaff.

Mo has come down with an undefined illness that has him just hours from being IV’d and spending an overnight in the hospital. The doctors have run every test except meningitis and some other equally unsavory conditions that are best left to be done when someone is admitted to the hospital.

He has an appointment tomorrow morning with his regular team of physicians to see if he has become hydrated enough to not be admitted but currently that may be the plan of the doctors and they are just giving us a soft warning and an extra night in our house with him before the weekend. They have already said he is very close to concerning dehydration levels.

We have been here before and this sudden relapse is…troubling. Earlier this week we at first felt, as did his medical team, that this was a routine sickness for any child in preschool, especially one that was just recently reintroduced into society after being quarantined for four months from any contact with other children due to his low immune system. Today, Mistress tells me that that optimisim was not present in that room by the doctors. They are optimistic that things can turn around but....

I am already having a really crap day and this dosen't help. Usually I can shield Mistress from my lack of Emotional Quotient (EQ) and try to support her when Mo's down because she really takes this stuff hard. Not today and I do feel very badly about that. I lacked Emotional Intellegence on the phone getting this info from her and I need to call her back and seek to understand better.

There is nothing I can do about this and honestly she is better off with me being away if he gets admitted tomorrow. I go bonko in hospitals and drive the nurses there nuts. Plus I am being selfish because I want her and Mo to get out of town with me, our first all family trip out of the Valley in three years to relax with non-work people in a cooler climate.

Crap.

Update: 4:16pm. No change in Mo's condition though he did eat some watermelon. No its me. I re-read my post above a realize I have a big chink in my mental armor right now for this race. I want to go but I want to help Mistress in what will be a difficult weekend for her regardless of where its spent.

If I stay home I will hate missing the race but I will be there to support Mistress and keep her fed and watered and the house reasonable making her weekend of being clung too by a sick child some what managable. But I will let my team mates, my sponsors and myself down.

If I still go, I get to do my race but will always be thinking about Mistress and Mo back home and that an extra pair of hands would do wonders. I will fret about his well being and be concerned that Mistress is burning herself out, since Mo has been showing symptoms since Monday and that has been making her tired already with his fussiness, trips to the doctors, lack of sleep at night, etc.

Selfishly, I hate making this decision. I hate that I am forced to. This is a race weekend. Its supposed to be fun. I just don't think it will be.

Crap. Still.

I'm listening and I hate it

I am trying, I really am, but yesterday was a nutritional disaster coupled with no training. I kept pushing off my run because its 116* and the dearth of comments coming to me, which are 100% valid, all say hold back on the heat. So when I thought about running at like 9pm, it was still 105*. That just kind of sucked the whole life out of my evening and grabbed a Mikes Hard Lemonade instead.

Today I am still in the push off mode. John got some other takers on the Wednesday morning Usery Pass ride, which I am no longer doing due to IMFL so I bailed on the 0500 bike and felt terrible about it. Its afternoon now and here I am with only a few minutes before I have to go to therapy for my shin. I think I can run on one of the treads there if I don't puke over the fact that I don't like running on treads.

In any regards I will get something in today. I got to.

WOW

I am overwhelmed at the outpouring from you people. I don't think I have recieved so much concern from any other posting.

I must say that I am doing all I can to limit any further training damage. This weekends race for me is not very important, I can finish in 3 hours or four, I could care less. I just would like to finish. I actually have no concerns over the swim. As long as I can hit my sweet spot on the bike I will be great there and then its just the run. I will walk the whole thing if I have too. I don't want too, but I will.

I read the Peter Reid article in Triathlete magazine about his retirement and how he treaded that fine line between racing to win and complete physical and mental breakdown, which he had a few times. I sometimes think I have the same desire but my arc a bit lower. I don't want to win Kona, don't even want to do Kona, but I would like to be top 10% of my AG or Clydesdale.

The one thing I won't do is hide myself. I sometimes think I am whinning or being a little bitch about my injuries but I think it more of being honest and transparent. I am what I am; a passionate, driven, no quit som'bitch.

Who is very thankful that more rational minds read this blog and give common sense to this Common Man

An Open Request

I am hereby petitioning the Prarie Dog Leader from da Republic of Bolder for a boon. This coming weekend I am racing in the Mountain Man Olympic distance triathlon up in Flagstaff. The race elevation starts at 6900 feet and peaks at 7300 feet.

Therefore I am requesting that upon completion of the race, the title of SLP be removed from my investigative personnel records held within a top secret hole deep within Da Republic. In the slim chance of a DNF due to lack of oxygen, I will be requesting a hearing to determine if sheer stupidity combined with a lack of altitude training will atleast grant me a one year waiver.

In all honesty, word on street from the veterans of this race is that there is a high DNF due to altitude, most occuring within the first 500 meters of the swim. Even veteran ironman finishers have bailed or lost all rational thought about their ability to complete it due to the elevation.

Surrounding this race will be a great time. Hardcore, The Machine and I and all our spouses and kids are renting a big cabin or house together. Should be a blast. To bad the race is on Sunday instead of Saturday, so we could enjoy a real bonfire and drink beers celebrating our race.

Instead my family will be driving the three hours back to Mesa for work on Monday.

Anyway, please consider my offer PDL and perhaps a response on your website with your answer would satisfy my man Bolds creative writing for at least one day.

Win Some, Lose Some

Put in a 1.5 mile swim today and felt pretty damn good. I am still slow, it took me an hour but so be it I suppose.

The run was another matter...again. I got through the first mile without incident at about a 10:30 pace and was feeling my shin get progressively tighter and more cramped. About 1.5 miles I was pulled over on the side and trying my best to massage the swelling down. Some of the others who came by noticed a significant difference in the shape of my legs below the knee, one swollen and tight looking the other normal. I went a bit further up the hill, mostly at a fast walk and then turned around with John as he came back down. The miles back were not so bad, going downhill stretched the area out and I maintained about a 11:30-12:00 minute mile pace.

Horrific in my opinion. But I reminded myself that John finished his Ironman walking almost the entire marathon at a 16:30 pace and finished it. I reminded myself of people who have related to me the cramping and the pain of their ironman marathon and averaging 13 minute miles and finishing. So I felt bolstered by my pace. If I average between 11-12 minute ironman miles for the whole marathon, I will consider myself very lucky indeed.

So today goes in the success column. The recovery week has really helped me with some of the physical aches I had swimming, though not the speed improvement I was hoping for and I ran further today before breakdown than I have in the last few weeks.

What really sucks is that right now I feel great. When I am not running, I feel 100%. Once I get some pressure on that shin from my running, it seizes all up.

What was really great about this workout is that so many other people had terrific runs. A few dropped almost ten percent off their times running up and down some steep switchbacks. Some went further than expected in less time than expected. Some just ran the whole way. And while I am not happy with the fact that I am pulling up the rear on the run train, when six months ago and less I was leading it, I am taking what I can get with a smile.

Have Fun

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